Downheartedness

There’s more than one kind of Depression that experts can easily identify by just understanding your situation and symptoms. Reading some articles that define different types of depression, I can probably consider my situation before as Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). This is a recurring type of depression that may result to a low energy, oversleeping, crave in carbs, gaining weight or withdrawing from social interaction.

Life will not always be at your favor; there will be some instances that you will have to face challenges and failures and I personally experienced these that really tested my perseverance. Family, Career, Love and even my self-confidence are all considered dead in the water.

There was a time where my parents do not support my decisions in life and they considered me as the black sheep of the family and arguments are very evident every single day that resulted to more complex situation and led me to living on my own. At the same time, I had challenges on finding a decent job that will support my needs in order for me to live with ease. Considering these two dilemmas made me think that I took a wrong decision.

Building your self confidence and finding your shoulder to cry on will still be your goals despite of being hopeless on changing the way you live and to at least make you smile and continue living. You tend to give everything to make your special someone happy and satisfied but will just throw you under the bus instead. With all the efforts and energy you consumed you are still consider yourself a failure. These situations piled up and stabbed me from head to toe. That’s the time I started feeling depressed.With everything happening at the same time, you get to question your main purpose in life and ask him if this is what he planned for you from the very beginning. It made me doubt that there will always be a helping hand from him, it made me feel alone and it made me a miserable individual.

Then one day I stood up and gather the broken glasses, I created my support system coming from my closest friends and they helped me dogged every bullet that will come across my way. This approach helped me to be a better person as I am today. You still encounter some challenges in life but you are at the stage where you always look at the silver lining in every possible way to help you re build and be the better version of yourself.

Most people nowadays are experiencing the same situation and they don’t know how to deal with this gracefully that may result on killing oneself. They will seek help from the professionals to make them feel better if they have resources, but most of us does not have this luxury that’s why we all have to understand that we take every situation differently so we have to be the bigger person to help one another surpass challenging situation like Depression.

Everything Happens For a Reason

"Everything will soon fall into its own rightful place, in its own time and at its own pace. No amount of rushing will make things happen any quicker. Patience is the name of the game. Never force anything, whatever will be, will be!"

There are a lot of things that we don't understand why it happened or why it is happening... but i believe that Everything Happens For a Reason. It can be something about Love, Career, Family or Life in general. 

In the past few months I faced challenges that no one can imagine that it will all happen at the same time. Those things made me question why I deserve life, I even asked myself if it's my karma. I’m a Cancer and based on what I know we are highly sensitive people and take every bit very seriously, so every time I'm alone in my apartment I always have idle time to think and absorb what’s happening and/or what happened. This is my initial step in addressing my so called Anxiety. I overthink things, I revisit point A to point B and even look at possible outcomes if that did not happen.

Still, I know that this doesn’t make it feel any better, but we all have different ways on how to deal with things, that’s how I react to it naturally. I once talked to by close friend and we were discussing how we are getting older and wiser.

He posted this on my account;

"To the strongest person in our group... Life may throw you a hundred reasons to be knocked down but you always find a thousand more to get back up. I always admire you for facing life head on. To think I have had enough of life's fuckery, and yet here you are, carrying more serious burden than mine. You handle things gracefully as ever. Continue to be an inspiration. There is still more to life! Let us live life off the beaten tracks."

"To all of us, things always happen for a reason. We can make it through all of life's toil. Just keep the faith and everything else will follow!"

It warms my heart because I never see that in me until he said that. That gave me strength to get back up and treat things differently. We are so afraid of failure that we spend most of our lives running from it or being miserable and get sympathy from social media, when, in fact, it should be embraced and welcomed. We will never learn from success. We will never improve if we are always living on a quick fix. There is true strength and progress to gain just outside of our comfort zone.

Here are 5 things that worked for me facing challenges in life:

• Surround yourself with good friends. They will understand and support you all the way. They are your chosen family. They will provide perspective outside the circle to help you realize things better. They are the most authentic and transparent people in your life.
• Be positive in life.  Think of good things, treat every challenge as your guide to be a better person and help you be more mature dealing with things. This will mold you to be stronger and wiser. Moving forward, once you faced the same challenge, you already know how to properly deal with that. It may not be the best resolution but at least you already know where to start.
• Don't overthink. I know its easier said than done but this makes everything more confusing and frustrating. Shit happens! so move forward... you cant turn back in time and make changes. 
• Set your priorities. Focus on the things that are more important, it can be anything that matters to you the most. This will allow you to be more efficient doing the last item on my list...
• Focus on the controllable items. This is making a good use of your precious time and energy. Inevitable things will not help you move forward. Address the things that you can do something about rather than sitting alone in the dark being miserable cos you cannot do anything about it.

"Progress not Perfection..." Keep in mind that you will NEVER face such challenges if you cannot deal with that. It all happens for a reason, it is our job to identify how we can gracefully resolve every bits of it. Stand up and work you ass off and never forget to SMILE… J

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Dean & DeLuca

"Where do you wanna eat?" I asked him this question after awhile of not seeing each other...

"Been wanting to try this restaurant in Makati but I dunno where and what's the name exactly." he answered...

After a few searching I did, I found this name Dean & DeLuca, and he confirmed.

We went there for dinner around seven in the evening and the first floor tables are all occupied. "This might be good" I whispered. The attendant asked us immediately if where we would like to be seated (good customer service), I asked if the second floor is open, hoping there are fewer customers. We got a nice spot upstairs. 

Since its our first time, we don't know which one to order and it took us some time to decide. We want salad, pasta and main... so we ordered the following (no pictures cos I was not in the mood and more focused on having a conversation with him) :)

• Crab Tofu Salad
• Pesto Pasta
• Truffle Mac & Cheese
• Herb Roasted Chicken Au Jus

click here Zomato Menu

...after 20 to 30 minutes the food are served

First the salad...

It was weird at first cos I'm really not a fan of steamed Tofu. But it was reaaaally goood. The crab meat wasnt artificial like the crab sticks you can buy in your local grocery store. Its all real! You can taste the freshness of the arugula and lettuce with a refreshing dressing and cherry tomatoes.

Now the Pesto Pasta... its not the normal pesto paste that is all dark green, you can see that fresh basil leaves are used that made it a bright green paste. They are serving this with chicken fillet, i think its grilled. Another refreshing dish!

Lets now try the Truffle Mac & Cheese... been craving for a good one. No Doubt! Its not as cheesy as you are expecting, enough to satisfy your cravings with cheese. They served this in a small skillet and I believe they grilled the mozzarella on top of it.

And the final one, Herb Roasted Chicken Au Jus. Slow roasted meat was evident in the tenderness of the chicken. Deliciously seasoned. However, I found an off taste in the risotto. Maybe its an acquired taste. lol.

It was a good experience with him. This is our favorite spot and I hope will continue to be our go to place to make us feel happy with their food. We are always visiting this place like twice a month and they never failed us. I will never ever forget this place...

Will share the other food we tried on the next one. muah!

Sat Deep in Thought...

I want to write something different today...

Here I am sharing this emotional roller coaster experience this past few months. After a huge breakup its been stressful and exhausting my everyday life was.  There you can see youself living alone and doing everything by yourself. Thats not me, thats not how I live my life. Thats not how I want my everyday routine should be. But then I came to realize that this is the perfect time for you to reflect, look back and have more time for yourself.

Living alone this past few months really thought me a lot, It helped me figure things out differently. Deciding for yourself without consulting anybody is very liberating. Im not saying that being committed to someone is a burden but this phase is different yet more exciting. Get a chance to go to movie houses again by yourself, eat at the restaurants while people are staring at you cos they are all wondering why you're alone, buy your own clothes, new stuff and of course things for home improvement. Yes thats correct "Home Improvement", been buying stuff for my new apartment, throw pillows, candles, lamps, new sheets, pillows, kitchenware, appliances (too bad i cant have air conditioner and fridge yet, building policy sucks), tables, plants and dont forget the toiletries I prefer. These are all for you, all the things you like to make you want to go home after a stressful day at work.

Heres what I have so far...


Lets go back to the main reason of this post...

Being with someone still hunts me, yes Im enjoying my time alone most of the time but when it hits you, it will make you think twice. I have been seeing this guy for the past few months now, that itself is already an "Emotional Roller Coaster" :) ---> that's a smiley cos this is different. Its different in a way that you have uncertainties yet satisfied and sometimes happy, but until when?

Lets all leave it here, until my next post once everything are into their own places...

I Can't Eat...

I have a lot of friends and i can definitely say that they are all considering me as their shoulder to cry on or at least someone they can talk to and listen to their emotional roller-coaster kinda love. Some says "I've been through a lot and by far this is the most challenging relationship i have ever had, I cannot function correctly, I cannot think straight, I think I'm gonna die, Its the end of the world!" Those are the statements I can understand because i said that myself, but there's this one statement that I don't know if its true. "I CAN'T EAT".

I love food (well that's why this blog is existing), I love making people happy with my food, I love satisfying the cravings of the people around me with my food, I like people appreciating the food I serve, I love exploring different cultures to help me be more exposed and knowledgeable and apply it on my recipes. That's why I don't know if i will ever say that 3 words.

In my 29 years of existence, I have been through a lot specially being with someone you love. There are happy moments and of course there are break ups. This past few weeks I've been emotional drained with whats happening with my life. There are a lot of things occurring at the same time and it really hits you hard (sagad to the bones). Its hard to wake up in the morning, lazy to go to work, do nothing in the office, cry all day, go home and stare at the walls then  YOU CANNOT EAT. There I said it "I CANNOT EAT".  Like what I mentioned, I don't understand this statement because it is hard to believe that you cannot eat the entire day. Your body needs fuel to go on with your life and daily routine but i experienced it myself. "Ganun pala ang feeling nun" you tried eating the food that you like, you tried ordering in your favorite restaurants, you tried going out with friends to help you get that appetite but there's no chance on finishing that food served to you. EVERYTHING tastes bitter, you cant even swallow it and there are times that you just wanna throw up and cry. You don't feel hungry at all even though that you haven't eaten anything yet, you don't feel hungry, you don't feel putting anything in your mouth (literally).

This is for the people who loved and who is loving someone so badly that they will give everything to make that person happy and were able to manage to get through the ups and downs of the relationship, I salute and commend you! It is hard, I know, you just have to experience this to help you become a stronger person and shape you as an individual to love unconditionally.

Garlic Shrimp in Sun-dried Tomato

We scheduled another date, like what we used to do. I want this to be different since we are always looking for a restaurant to have a nice lunch or dinner. So i decided to surprise him. Early morning I went to the market to get something to prepare for him as a surprise. 

I don't know which one, I don't know what he might like. I just know that he really like shrimp, actually he likes prawns better but since I cant find any, I went for shrimp instead. 

So I planned on being safe to make sure he will like it. Grabbed the following:

• Lots of Shrimp of course
• Sun-dried Tomatoes (bottled)
• Garlic
• Olive Oil
• Pasta

I prepared the shrimp first while boiling the water for the pasta. Once done sauteed lots of garlic in olive oil until golden brown. Then took the bottle of sun-dried tomatoes and got like 5 pieces, i think per piece is a whole of 1 tomato. Cut it in to strips and sauteed it with the garlic, after few seconds I added the shrimp until its cooked. 

I found these new spices in the market, White Pepper Corn and Italian Herbs from All Natural, I find this great cos it comes with a grinder so you wont feel the dried leaves or pepper corns mixed with your pasta. I added these two with salt just to add flavors to the sauteed shrimp.

Here you go!

So I packed it and then he called. I cant help but tell him that I cooked something for him and he's too excited to try. Then we met, unexpectedly, he also cooked something for me. He prepared Igado! Been craving for that too. 

He liked the simplicity of the pasta yet very flavorful. I am glad he liked it. :)

Chicken Alfredo

Been wanting to replicate Yellow Cab's Chicken Alfredo pasta but I don't have the confidence to do it and never tried searching Google to help me out. Dunno why but I just don't feel like doing it for some odd reasons.

Then here comes the day that there is a special someone who loves Chicken Alfredo from the same food chain. No questions asked, went to google and read some blogs as to how they are doing it, Yellow Cab style.

Saw a lot of suggested ingredients and replacements but I trusted my own memory when i'm ordering this.

Went to the nearest supermarket, and grabbed the following (again based on my memory). :)

• Pasta
• Chicken Breast fillet
• Black Olives
• Spring Onions
• White Pepper
• Heavy Cream
• Butter Butter Butter
• Olive Oil
• Parmesan Cheese (grated)
• and the most important one... Garlic Powder!

Now the procedure:

1. Marinate he cubed chicken breast with garlic powder, salt and white pepper for 30 mins.
2. Heat the pan and sauté the marinated chicken in olive oil until the meat is tender.
3. Add heavy cream and let it simmer for 10 minutes while stirring slowly. NOTE: don't over cook the cream as it will start to curdle.
4. Put the grated Parmesan cheese and pleeeeease be generous with this. Let it simmer again for another 5 mins until the cheese and cream are well mixed. 
5. Add half a stick of butter and continue stirring it until the butter is well melted. You can add more Garlic powder based on your liking. Then add the black olives.
6. Of course, salt and WHITE pepper to taste.

Tadah!

Another tip is to make sure you serve this immediately cos for me, it doesnt taste good after 30 minutes. :)

That "Special Someone's" verdict....? hmmm not sure.... said it was good. I think I missed the chili flakes from Yellow Cab. lol

Next on my list is the very famous Charlie Chan also from Yellow Cab. :)